


How Does It Feel?

by orbythesea



Category: The Good Wife (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-08
Updated: 2011-06-08
Packaged: 2017-10-20 06:00:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/209513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orbythesea/pseuds/orbythesea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How does it feel to want?</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Does It Feel?

_How does it feel to want?_

Years ago, when she was a kid and wanted things like candy and overpriced toys and all the silly little things that kids want, years ago, her mom used to say that. "How does it feel to want, Alicia?" she'd ask. She didn't know what she was supposed to say then, but even as a kid, she knew losing control was always the wrong answer.

She's older now and she thinks she finally knows the right answer. For the first time in a long time, she wishes that she was closer to her mom, wishes she could pick up the phone and answer the question posed all those years ago.

*

Wanting a Snickers bar is not the same as wanting her life back. Wanting a pogo stick is not the same as wanting the news vans that are parked outside her house to go away or the television to stop feeling like an assault. Wanting a new pair of roller sakes is not the same as wanting her kids to feel safe or her husband to love her again.

(He says that he does, that he wants to fix things, wants to change. He says it over and over and over until she's sick of hearing it and she snaps at him, finally, sitting but not touching in the back of car after the press conference. _How does it feel to want, Peter?)_

*

She is sitting up straight in a chair that was designed for leaning back. Across the desk, the divorce attorney is smartly dressed and all business, sympathetic smile notwithstanding. Alicia is weighing her options, the lawyer seems more interested in winning her business.

"Do you _want_ to divorce him?" she asks, carefully hiding her irritation, but not carefully enough.

Alicia's spent a long time surrounded by much better actors.

(Maybe she doesn't know what she wants.)

*

She says that she's fine but, after Peter's sentenced, Owen flies out anyway.

"Remember that thing Mom always used to say about wanting?" she asks when they're well into the third bottle of Sauvignon Blanc.

Owen cocks his head to the side, frowning. "I never knew what I was supposed to say to that, it used to piss me off so--"

"It hurts," she says, cutting him off. "That's how it feels to want."


End file.
